Things You Should Never Do While Living With The Avengers
by My Dear Frodo
Summary: A series of one-shots about Sarah Turner, an OC, and what you should never do while living with the Avengers. Each chapter has one rule/thing to not do, and a one-shot to go along with it. Rated T just in case.
1. Never Paint the Iron Man Suit Pink

1. Never Paint the Mark 42 Iron Man Suit Pink

I skipped into the workshop, a huge grin plastered on my face. The room was quiet, so I jumped when I heard JARVIS' voice, spilling a bit of paint on my shirt.

"Ms. Turner, what are you doing?" The AI system enquired, his voice coming from somewhere above me.

"Nothing, JARVIS, just painting Tony's suit pink," I responded nonchalantly, a smirk on my face as I stood in front of the aforementioned suit.

"I will have to inform Mr. Stark," JARVIS warned. I looked up at the ceiling, my lower lip turned down in a pout.

"Could you _please_ give me a two minute head start?" I begged. When no response came, I sighed. JARVIS would have answered if he had planned on helping me. But he didn't, so that meant that I had about one minute and thirty seconds before the self proclaimed genius himself came down and started yelling at me. That also meant that I had to do this quickly.

Grabbing my paintbrush, I set to work. I attempted to keep the paint off of the part where the eyes were, but since I'm really clumsy, I failed to do so. Paint was splattered everywhere after I had finished painting the head and the chest area. Unfortunately, time was running out, so I placed the can of paint on the ground. I figured that I had about thirty seconds to get out of the workshop, so I sprinted to the elevator, pressing the button repeatedly, impatiently, and rather nervously. It opened a few seconds later, revealing a very angry Tony Stark. I gulped.

"Sarah. _What did you do?_" He seethed. I stepped back slowly, my hands up defensively.

"Me? What makes you think I did anything?" I asked, giggling timidly. His eyes narrowed as his gaze moved from me to the pink suit on the wall.

"Why you little-" Before the billionaire had a chance to finish his sentence, I shrieked and put my hands over my ears.

"Tony! Stop! You can't swear in front of me. I'm a minor." Stark clenched and unclenched his fists as I spoke. "And, by the way, if you harm me in any way, I'm calling social services. Or I'll just tell Bruce and he'll Hulk-out on you." He glared at me for a good three minutes before he pushed me aside, moving over to his suit to inspect the damage. I began to back away and make my escape while I was still breathing, but Tony's words stopped me.

"You're grounded," he spat.

"You can't do that!" I exclaimed, crossing my arms.

"Actually, I can. I'm your legal guardian. And, even if I wasn't, this is my house. So you're grounded."

"_Actually_," I retorted, throwing his wording back at him. "You're not my legal guardian. Bruce is."

"I've heard it both ways," he stated. I sighed, marching into the elevator, leaving Tony to contemplate how he would get the paint off of his precious suit.

**A/N: Hello! Thanks for reading this. It is very much appreciated.**

**I know this is an odd story, not because of the whole rules thing, I've seen that a million times, but because there's no background information about Sarah. For now, I'll leave it that way. If people want to see more, I might be interested in making a separate fanfic all about her and how she ended up living with the Avengers.**

**THANK YOU AGAIN FOR READING THIS. By the way, if you review, I'll give you a slice of apple pie.**

**(Oh, and did you see the Age of Ultron Trailer? I have it on going on a loop right now.)**


	2. Don't Fake Cry In Front of the Avengers

2. Don't fake cry in front of the Avengers (Except Thor. That could be profitable.)

I walked into the lab where JARVIS said Bruce was. I looked around, and quickly spotted the man staring at something on a screen.

"Tony grounded me," I stated, causing the doctor to turn towards me with a quirked eyebrow.

"What did you do this time?" He asked, sighing. I frowned and looked down at my feet.

"I painted part of his suit pink," I responded. "But I didn't mean anything by it! It's not like I painted his newest suit, it was just a prank. But he got really mad and I was scared he was going to hurt me!" I made sure that my voice broke at the end of the sentence so that it would seem like I was actually upset. Sure, I was annoyed and frustrated because I didn't want to be grounded, but I didn't care all that much.

After a few seconds of silence, I started quietly crying. The noises got louder and louder, until I was full out sobbing. Dr. Banner walked over to me and stared at me for a few seconds, before moving away again.

"You can stop now," he commented. When I heard this, I sighed loudly.

"It didn't work? At all?" I jumped up and sat on the counter, my legs swinging as I spoke.

"Nope," he answered, continuing with whatever he was doing.

"Can you tell Tony to un-ground me?"

"No."

"But he's being unreasonable! Plus, I _did_ think he was going to hurt me. He was really angry," I protested. Bruce only shook his head.

After coming to the conclusion that Bruce thought that me being grounded was a bit of a good thing, I decided to go try crying in front of someone else. The first person I ran into was Steve. As soon as I saw him, I began sobbing.

"Sarah? Are you alright?" He moved close to me, his brow furrowed questioningly. I shook my head.

"Tony grounded me! And I didn't mean anything by it! But he got really mad," I blurted out.

"What did you do, exactly?" The super soldier asked, frowning.

"I painted one of his Iron Man suits pink."

"Did you expect him to be happy about it?" He crossed his arms.

"No…" I replied dejectedly. Why did everyone have to be so intelligent?

"It sounds like you just don't like being in trouble," he commented.

"Something like that," I muttered, already thinking about who would be the best person to go to next. Natasha would brush me off and comment about how my acting was completely unbelievable and Clint would laugh at me. So that left Thor. If I played my cards right, I could get Thor to order Tony to un-ground me. "JARVIS, where's Thor?" I ignored Steve's look, and walked to the kitchen where Thor would be.

When I reached large room, I immediately began crying, drawing the attention of the demigod.

"Sarah, what is wrong?" He asked.

"Tony grounded me!" I exclaimed. Thor looked confused, so I explained. "It's a form of punishment. It's very extreme, and really brutal."

"What have you done to deserve such a thing?" Thor stood, his long strides allowing him to cross the room in a matter of seconds.

"I decorated one of his old suits. I would never have done it with his newest one! I just thought that since that one was old, he wouldn't care so much. Do you," I paused, for dramatic effect. "Do you think you could talk to him and ask him to change his mind?"

"I will do so now. It does not sound like this punishment is fair." After he said this, I stopped sniffling and gave him a huge hug.

"Thank you Thor!" I watched as he went off to find Tony, holding my laughter in until he was out of the room.

**A/N: Yay! Another chapter! Thank you to the lovely people who reviewed, favorited and followed! It means a lot. And, as promised, I will give each of my reviewers a slice of apple pie. { {  
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**And I forgot to say this before, but I do not own any recognizable characters or plot points.**

**I'm not sure if I like this chapter, but oh well. There's always next chapter. Speaking of which, here's a preview. XD**

**_"Oh!" I exclaimed, jumping off of the couch. "They're here already? I wasn't expecting them to arrive until next week! Where are they?"_**

_**"They're still in the lobby. I can have them brought up though," Pepper replied. A huge grin appeared on my face.**_

_**"That would be great! Thanks Pepper!" I plopped down next to Natasha again, and began bouncing on the couch excitedly.  
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**I'll probably post the next chapter tomorrow, or maybe today, if I feel like it. Reviews, as always, would be appreciated. **


	3. Don't Buy Costumes for the Avengers

3. Don't buy Halloween costumes for the Avengers

We were all sitting on the couches in the lounge doing various things. Dr. Banner was talking animatedly to Stark about something sciencey, Thor, Clint and Steve were watching something on the TV, and Natasha was reading a book. I was sitting next to her, reading over her shoulder. Well, attempting to read it anyway. She pushed me away every time I got close, and when I did manage to get a glimpse of the words, it didn't even look like it was English.

We were interrupted when Pepper came into the room, her heels clicking on the floor.

"Some packages came for you this morning," she said, moving over to Tony after greeting everyone quickly.

"I don't remember ordering anything. JARVIS?" Stark's eyebrows were furrowed, he was obviously confused.

"Seven items were ordered under your name from Costume Planet on October 17th," the AI responded.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, jumping off of the couch. "They're here already? I wasn't expecting them to arrive until next week! Where are they?"

"They're still in the lobby. I can have them brought up though," Pepper replied. A huge grin appeared on my face.

"That would be great! Thanks Pepper!" I plopped down next to Natasha again, and began bouncing on the couch excitedly.

"Why were they under my name?" Tony enquired. I shrugged.

"I don't have any money. And you have lots," I stated. Luckily, Stark didn't seem to be too angry. He just rolled his eyes and mumbled something about unintelligent children.

A few minutes later, the elevator dinged, announcing the arrival of my packages to this floor. I flew to the door, my grin widening as I saw the seven boxes sitting on the cart.

"You can put them on the carpet over there," I told the man that was accompanying my parcels.

Once they were all stacked neatly and the man had left, I grabbed the first one and ripped the box open. Inside was a bag, and inside of that, there was a Legolas costume folded neatly. I let out a squeal of joy.

"Clint! Put this on! I wanna see how it looks before Halloween!" I threw the bag at the archer. He stared at the item in his hands, obviously unamused.

"Legolas? Really? Just because-" I figured that if he started ranting, he wouldn't stop, so I interrupted him.

"It was either that or Katniss," I stated. "Now go put it on."

The next box held a RoboCop costume, and I gave to Tony. Although he would never admit it, he was pleased.

"I'm not wearing a costume," Natasha said, her expressionless face right in front of my overjoyed face

"Don't be silly. You're wearing..." I paused, peeking inside each box until I found the right costume. "...this one!" I held out a Tauriel costume.

"Why?" She grabbed the costume, staring at the clothing with narrowed eyes.

"Because it's obvious that Legolas loves Tauriel, just like how it's obvious that Clint loves you," I replied. She shook her head, but she didn't throw the costume back at me, which I took as a sign that she didn't hate it.

I pulled out a Voldemort costume (complete with a mask and everything) and gave it to Thor. I was met with confused glances, but I simply shrugged and muttered something about the voices telling me to do it. This fazed no one, of course, because they were so used to my random mumblings.

For Steve, I had an Uncle Sam costume, which he clearly despised. Stark laughed his face off, and stated that I hadn't wasted his money after all. Bruce only raised his eyebrows when I gave him a Bill Nye the Science Guy costume.

"And lastly, ladies, I have purchased a long black coat, black boots, a black shirt, some more black stuff, and an eyepatch, all for me, so that I can be Director Fury," I declared. After a few seconds of silence, I started giggling uncontrollably. Everyone else looked slightly amused, but they mostly just looked concerned about my sanity.

"Fury will be thrilled," Natasha muttered.

**A/N: Thanks for reading my fanfic. I really appreciate it. You know what else I appreciate? Reviews. And people giving me tacos. Because tacos are amazing. But seriously, if you could review, that would be really amazing.**

**A huge thank you to anyone who has supported my fic so far, by reading, reviewing, following, or favouriting. It means a lot.**

**By the way, I do not own any recognizable characters.**

**Here's a preview for the next chapter:**

_**That's how I ended up spinning on a chair on the bridge of the Helicarrier, even more bored than I would be normally. I had zoned out long ago, since talk of some random politician from the Virgin Islands bored me. I was very suddenly brought back into the real world by a shout. Apparently some important SHIELD agent had been kidnapped, and possibly killed.**_

_**"**__**I want eyes everywhere," Fury ordered. I continued to sit in my chair for a few minutes, still bored, until his words came back into my brain. He wants eyes everywhere? Then that's just what he'll get.**_


	4. Don't Do Everything Fury Says To Do

4. Don't take everything Fury says literally

It had been a quiet week. No missions, no evil masterminds to beat, not even a fangirl attack. I have to say, I was really bored. So when Fury ordered Barton and Romanoff to go to the Helicarrier, I begged the two agents to let me tag along. They said no at first, but then I threatened to tell Bruce about the time they let me get kidnapped. I had been in no real danger, but neither of them wanted to have to face an angry Dr. Banner.

That's how I ended up spinning on a chair on the bridge of the Helicarrier, even more bored than I would be normally. I had zoned out long ago, since talk of some random politician from Guernsey bored me. I was very suddenly brought back into the real world by a shout. Apparently some important SHIELD agent had been kidnapped, and possibly killed.

"I want eyes everywhere," Fury ordered. I continued to sit in my chair for a few minutes, still bored, until his words came back into my brain. He wants eyes everywhere? Then that's just what he'll get.

I got out of my seat, and started walking quickly through the hallways, trying to find a computer and a printer. Most of the doors were locked, making my search much harder. Finally, about fifteen minutes later, I found a room that just looked like a boring old office. But right in the middle was exactly I was looking for.

Some idiot had left themselves logged in, meaning that I could do whatever I wanted, including accessing SHIELD files. It's a good thing for them that I'm too lazy to read anything longer than two sentences, otherwise I might have been able spill their secrets onto the internet. I went onto google images, and searched up a picture of an eye. Then, I printed off as many copies as possible, which happened to be eighty. I grabbed a roll of tape and made my way back onto the bridge.

I expected Fury to be standing there giving orders, but he was nowhere to be seen. In fact, there weren't very many people there at all. There were only sixteen people in the room compared to the earlier thirty eight. Unfortunately, that meant that there wasn't as much movement and noise to cover up my movements. Nevertheless, I began taping the eyes all over the bridge. A few agents asked me what I was doing, but I looked at them, my face completely void of emotion, and told them that it was a direct order from Director Fury. They seemed skeptical even after I told them that, but I ignored them and continued scattering the pictures everywhere.

Just as I sat back down in my chair, Nick Fury came striding in. He took one look at all of the eyes in the gigantic room, and turned to face me.

"Why are there pictures of eyes on my bridge?" He demanded. I shrugged, looking him right in the eye.

"You said you wanted eyes everywhere. And since no one else seemed to be doing it, I took the task upon myself," I replied.

"Romanoff, get her off of the helicarrier," he ordered. A look of horror came onto my face as the woman nodded and began walking quickly towards me.

"You're not going to throw me off, right? I don't want to drown," I said quickly. Natasha watched me with a smirk on her face.

"Well, that would be one of the quickest ways to get rid of you."

"You can't kill me! I'm too young to die!" I shouted, attracting the attention of the rest of the bridge. Barton came up and patted my shoulder awkwardly.

"It won't be so bad. Drowning isn't the worst way to die," he commented. I ran away, and hid behind Fury.

"You can't let them kill me! If I die, Bruce will be angry and we all know what happens when he's angry," I shrieked. The director pushed me away from him.

"They won't kill you yet. You could still prove to be useful," he stated. "Now, get her out of here." The two agents nodded, and Natasha grabbed my arm and dragged me into a quinjet. On the ride back I made sure to stay as far away as possible from the two SHIELD agents, just in case they decided that I wasn't useful.

**A/N: I LOVE YOU. Thank you for reading, reviewing, favouriting and following.  
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**Some people were asking how old Sarah is, and in my mind she's about 16.**

**Here's a preview for tomorrow's chapter:**

_**I came to the conclusion that I should make up nicknames for everyone, since I had already made ones up for two members of the Avengers. I made my way to the training room next, where I found Natasha and Steve sparring.**_

**I hope you'll review because it would make me REALLY HAPPY and it would keep me inspired to write. **


	5. Don't Give the Avengers Nicknames

5. Don't give them nicknames

As per usual, I was bored. You would think that living with the Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, Hawkeye, and the Black Widow would be anything but boring. Honestly, I think that if I hadn't been there to disrupt everything, they would all sit around in their pajamas watching TV or training all day, everyday. Well, I guess they do that anyway. But they do it while I attempt to annoy them.

On that day, Tony and Bruce were in the lab, probably still in their pajamas, Steve and Natasha were training downstairs, possibly still in their pajamas, Thor and Clint were eating and watching TV, definately in their pajamas, and I was laying on the coffee table, staring at the ceiling, attempting to think of a clever nickname for Clint, not in my pajamas.

"Clint, Flint, Lint. Hawkeye, Bird-brain, Birdie, Crow, Pigeon, Seagull. Barton, Bart, Bat, Bait. Croweye, Lint Bat, Bait Seagull. Baitgull. Bagel," I muttered, each word a different nickname possibility. "Bagel!" I shouted that into the air, deciding it was my favourite.

"What did you say?" Barton asked, glancing at me.

"Bagel. I'm going to call you Bagel," I stated, a huge smile on my face.

"Why?"

"Hawkeye. A hawk is a bird. A seagull is a bird. Your last name is Barton. Put the two together and you get Bagel," I explained.

"You call me Bagel, I call you Sardine," he said, glaring at me from his spot on the couch. I scrunched up my nose, as I thought about whether or not it was worth it.

"Fine." When I said that, he looked kind of surprised. "I'll see you later Bagel. Bye Hammer Head!" I exited the room, very proud of myself, since I thought of that nickname for Thor on the spot. I could faintly hear Thor asking Clint why I called him Hammer Head. I smirked. Maybe it wasn't so boring living here.

I came to the conclusion that I should make up nicknames for everyone, since I had already made ones up for two members of the Avengers. I made my way to the training room next, where I found Natasha and Steve sparring.

"Steve! Natasha! How are you? Isn't a beautiful morning?" I asked.

"What do you want, Sarah?" Natasha asked, dodging a kick from Steve as she did so.

"I have come to give you nicknames, because I can," I answered. "Natasha, let's start with you. What about Venom? Nah, that's completely unoriginal. What rhymes with Nat? Rat, vat, mat, fat, cat. Oh! Catwoman. Yes. Catwoman. And Steve. I think I'll call you Strong Man. Both names start with an S and a T. Excellent! Fare thee well, Catwoman and Strong Man!" I ran out of the room before either of them could tell me that I wasn't allowed to call them that. So far I had Bagel, Hammer Head, Catwoman and Strong Man. Four down, two to go.

I ran into Bruce and Tony in the hallway. They were having an intense discussion until I literally bumped into them.

"What should I call you?" I muttered to myself as I got up off of the floor. I thought of everything related to Stark, until my mind landed on Pepper. Salt and pepper. His last name starts with an s, so it would work. As for Bruce, I tried to think of a synonym for Banner, but I couldn't come up with anything, so I tried the rhyming tactic. The first word I thought of that rhymed with Bruce was juice, so that was what I went with. "Salt and Juice."

"What?" Tony asked, and eyebrow quirked in confusion.

"Oh, I'm just giving you nicknames. You're Salt, and he's Juice." I pointed at each person I was referring to in turn. They seemed to understand why I dubbed them what I did. "I've named the rest of the Avengers too," I added. "There's Bagel, AKA Clint, Hammer Head, AKA Thor, Catwoman, AKA Natasha, and Steve, or Strong Man."

"How did that go?" Bruce enquired, his eyebrow now raised.

"Pretty well. According to Clint my nickname is Sardine." Tony let out a laugh.

"I have a feeling everyone's going to call you that now," he remarked. I sighed.

"You're probably right, Salt," I replied, before skipping down the hallway towards the elevator, hoping that I wasn't too late to grab a Pop-Tart.

**A/N: 14 reviews! Yayyyyyyyy! Thank you! I love all of you guys who have read, favourited, followed and reviewed. You're amazing.**

**I don't own the Avengers.**

**Sorry, but you don't get a preview today. I'm at school waiting to go home, trying to do this with my iPod. It's not working very well.**

**You should get the new chapter tomorrow. I'll try to update every day but it might end up being every second day.**

**Thanks again!**


	6. Never Let the Avengers Do Your Homework

6. Never let the Avengers do your homework

I let out a groan of frustration.

"I _do not _care, Austin! Do it yourself!" I yelled. "It's your job, not mine. Why do I have to do the work for you?" Tony came in, a bag of grapes in his hands.

"Boy troubles?" He asked, popping a grape into his mouth.

I sighed. "I wish. That would be so much better."

"Then who's Austin?"

"He's some guy in one of the questions," I stated, pointing at a sentence in my textbook. "Apparently, he can't out what the slope of this ramp is."

"That's easy," Stark said, peering over my shoulder to look at the problem.

"Of course it is! But it's so boring," I moaned, hitting my head against the table repeatedly.

"I'll do it for you," Tony sat down next to me, and slid my textbook and my notebook over to face him. "It'll take me two seconds, because I am, after all, a genius."

"Really? You'll do it?" My eyes widened in disbelief. He shrugged in return. "You're a lifesaver!" I ran out of the room as quickly as I could, thinking that if I didn't Tony would change his mind and make me do it.

It turns out that Tony is good at grade ten math. I, well Stark, got every question right. And that left me with an idea. Maybe I could get the Avengers to do my homework for me. Being the procrastinator that I am, I had science homework, a history essay, and two Spanish assignments I had yet to do. I decided to ask Bruce to do my science homework, Steve to do my history essay (which was conveniently supposed to be about World War Two), and ask Natasha and Clint to do my Spanish assignments.

I found the two SHIELD agents first. They were on top of the kitchen counter fencing.

"Hey Clintasha!" I said, using the name I gave them for when they were together.

"Sarah," they replied in greeting, continuing with their swordplay.

"Do you think you could help me with something?"

"Now's not really the time," Natasha replied. Dissatisfied with her answer, I went over to the kitchen counter. I watched them for a few moments, before pushing Clint onto the ground. Natasha took advantage of this and put her sword to his throat.

"Is now better?" I leaned over the counter, watching as Natasha took her fencing mask off.

"Yes. Though I didn't need your help," she responded.

"Of course not. I just wanted to move things along."

"You're saying that like I never had a chance to win," Clint commented.

"You didn't," Natasha and I replied in sync. Barton pushed Romanoff's sword out of the way, a pout on his face.

"You're mean," Clint said, glaring playfully at Natasha. Ah! I can't even begin to tell you how much I ship them.

"Anyway, I was thinking that you could do my Spanish homework for me," I said, crossing my arms.

"Why would we do that?" Tasha moved matched my stance.

"Kidnapping," I chimed.

"You're going to play that card from the bottom of the deck," Clint narrowed his eyes.

"Of course I am. So, you going to do it or what?" The two agents shared a glanced, probably having a discussion about the pros and cons of doing as I ask.

"Fine." I raised my eyebrows as Natasha said that.

"Okay! Great. Here. It's due tomorrow," I handed them a binder, winked at them, then ran away to go find Bruce or Steve.

I wandered through the hallways, and soon spotted Bruce in one of the many labs.

"Hey, Juice. Do you think you could help me with my homework?" I asked, laying my science binder out on a table.

"Sure," he responded, swiping his hand so that the screen that had been in the air disappeared. "What are you working on?"

"Just some microscopy stuff. We have to calculate the high-power field diameter," I answered, flipping through the pages to find the worksheet.

"Oh, all you have to do is-" I tuned him out at that point, knowing he was going into rant mode. After a few minutes of seeing his lips moving, I knew that my plan had worked, and that soon my science homework would be done.

Smirking, I crept out of the room. I only had to find Steve, and then all my homework would be done! I stopped walking for a moment and began cackling maniacally. That attracted the attention of the super soldier. In just a few minutes, I had him working away. You would think that getting _Steve Rogers_ to cave and do your work for you would not be such an easy thing to do. But all I had to do was guilt trip him, and tell him he could write about anything to do with World War Two.

I should never have done that. I should have just done my homework myself. I thought it was a good idea, but it turned out to be one of the worst ideas I've ever had. Why was it such a terrible idea? Because I ended up failing every assignment. I didn't fail because the teachers found out about the Avengers doing my homework. I failed because the Avengers didn't do the homework correctly.

Natasha wrote two paragraphs in Spanish, just as she was supposed to. She used ten comparisons, just as she was supposed to. The problem was, each comparison was comparing my teacher to different things. She wrote, and I quote, "Sra. Wallace es más gorda que un hipopótamo," which means, "Mrs. Wallace is more fat than a hippopotamus." Clint, who was doing my verb practice sheet, put all of the verbs in present tense instead of preterite tense.

Bruce did my science pretty well, but he filled up the sheet with his scrawlings so that the teacher couldn't find the answers.

Steve wrote a three page essay about Dr. Zola, one of Hydra's scientists. My history teacher, being the ignorant man that he was, didn't know who that was, and decided I made it all up.

Never again will I let the Avengers do my homework.

Except Tony. He rocked my math assignment.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, reviewing, favouriting, following, and being fabulous.**

**I don't own the things.**

**I don't have a preview for tomorrow's chapter because I haven't written it yet! *gasp***

**I might end up posting the chapter on Friday, but you never know.**

**(BY THE WAY! DID YOU SEE THE CLIP FROM AGE OF ULTRON?)**


	7. Don't Play Matchmaker

7. Don't play matchmaker

I was quietly watching as Clint and Natasha sat at the table, eating breakfast and glaring at each other. They had had an argument yesterday about somethings to do with guns. I just about screamed because, for one, they were getting really loud and annoying, and because it was adorable. They are adorable. And that's why I decided to do some matchmaking.

"Catwoman! Bagel!" I exclaimed. Neither of them turned to look at me. "Tasha! Clint! I want to speak to you!" Realizing that I was yelling at them, they glanced at me.

"What?" Clint asked, and I crossed my arms, staring at them accusingly.

"You two have been glaring at each other for ages and I'm bored," I stated. Natasha's chair squeaked as she stood up.

"That's too bad," she said, walking out of the room. I turned to Clint, an idea forming in my head.

"Let's go swimming!" A huge grin appeared on my face while a grimace appeared on his.

"I don't really want-."

"Let me rephrase that. We are going swimming. You have no say in the matter," I interrupted, sending a glare his way.

"Fine," he replied with a sigh. "I'll be down there in ten." He got up, and left the room.

The first part of my plan was in place. Next, I had to go talk to Natasha.

"JARVIS? Where's Tasha?" I enquired.

"Ms. Romanoff is currently in her room," the AI answered.

"Thanks, J-Man!"

"Please refrain from calling me that, Ms. Turner," JARVIS said. I'm sure that if he had a face, he would be scowling.

I reached Natasha's room in less than a minute. I knocked the second I reached the door.

"Who is it?" She asked gruffly. I answered with my name, and she told me to leave. I took that as my cue to enter.

"You're grumpy today," I stated, flopping down on her bed. Natasha got up from the couch she was sitting on to stand right next to my head.

"You're annoying today," she replied.

"I'm always annoying. Anyway, I think that we should go swimming," I said.

"Why?"

"Because I'm _bored_ and Clint ditched me!" I exclaimed.

"No."

"Please! I'll do anything!" She grinned at that, an eyebrow raised.

"Anything?"

"Well, anything except for jumping off a plane or off a building, or donating blood. Actually, let's just avoid blood and needles all together."

"Okay. We have a deal. I'll be down there in a few minutes," she walked off into her bathroom, leaving me grinning on her bed. I stood up, straightening my wrinkled shirt. I skipped all the way to my room, slamming the door behind me.

"J-Man?" I looked up at the ceiling, a smile still on my face.

"Yes, Ms. Turner?"

"When Nat and Clint are both in the pool room, could you lock the door so that they can't get out?" I asked, hoping the AI would say yes.

"Why?" JARVIS enquired. I searched my mind for an answer the AI would accept.

"Um… well, they had an argument yesterday, and I was thinking that they should make up. If there's an alien invasion or some sort of threat the Avengers need to take care of, they should probably not be upset with each other because that could cause problems," I answered. I was very proud of myself for coming up with that on the spot.

"That sounds," he paused. "Reasonable." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"Thanks J-Man! And when they both get in there, could you project a live feed of my face right in front of them so that I can explain why they're locked in there?"

"Yes, Ms. Turner." A few seconds passed before the AI spoke again. "They are in there now. Would you like me to put up the live feed now?"

"Yeah. Oh, and I want to be able to see them too."

A second later, I was sitting on the couch watching Clint and Natasha glare at me.

"I suppose you're both wondering why I've gathered you here today," I paused dramatically. "To be quite frank, I've decided that you are extremely adorable and that you need to get married and have seven children as soon as possible. Fortunately for you, I do not need you to get married today. I'll expect that sometime in the future, though. Anyway, today I require you to make up, obviously, then… go on a date! Yes. Go on a date." Their glares only hardened. "Do you _want_ to be stuck in there forever?"

"You make us do this and I will kill you," Natasha said.

"Empty threat," I chimed. Tasha smirked, grabbing a gun that she had somehow managed to hide on her person. She then shot the camera. I could still hear them, as the audio was not broken.

"JARVIS, let us out _now_," Clint said. I didn't hear anything more, meaning they were out. It also meant that if I did not hide, I would meet my end sooner than expected. But where could I hide? Two assassins were coming to get me. Luckily, an idea popped into my head.

"Bruce!" I screamed, running in the direction of the lab I knew he would be in.

**A/N: I'm sorry! I meant to update on Friday but I just couldn't bring myself to finish writing this chapter. I apologize.  
><strong>

**Thank you for reading this story! I know I say this a lot, but I appreciate every view, favourite, follow, and review. And guys. I am so happy. I have 26 reviews! I love you.**

**I do not own the Avengers.  
><strong>


	8. Never Even Mention Twerking

8. Never even _mention_ twerking

A lined piece of paper sat in front of me, the page filled with words. At the top, in large printing, was 'Things to Make Sure Steve Never Finds Out About.' I had thirty things so far, and I was pondering what I would put as thirty one. I went over all of the things that would make Steve question humanity, until my mind landed upon one very important one. Twerking.

"Number thirty one: Twerking," I muttered, just as Clint came strolling in.

"Twerking?" Clint said, practically yelling.

Who's twerking?" Tony enquired, joining our conversation as the elevator doors opened.

"Nobody," l replied.

"Well that's too bad," Stark commented.

I shook my head. "No it's not."

Clint and Tony then started a conversation about twerking. I zoned out, not particularly interested. A few minutes later, I was brought back into the world of the living by some very loud music.

"What the-" I stopped short, my eyes landing on the two men. For a reason unbeknownst to me, they were twerking. "MY EYES! THEY'RE BURNING!" I screamed, diving on to the couch. I stuffed my face into the leathery seats.

"JARVIS?" I said, my voice muffled by the sofa. I faintly heard the AI system responding, so I continued. "Send help!"

A minute later, I heard two pairs of footsteps approaching, one loud, one soft.

"Can someone turn this music down?" Natasha yelled from the hallway.

"Nope!" Tony shouted back.

Tasha stepped into the room, her eyes widening as her gaze locked on the two dancing men. Steve came in a few moments after, no expression on his face.

"Are they twerking?" Natasha asked, taking a couple steps toward the couch I was laying on.

"Yes." At that, she burst out laughing. And that's saying something, because she doesn't laugh very often. Sure, she snorts, or lets out a _single_ laugh, but she usually doesn't laugh for more than two seconds.

Steve, on the other hand, looked confused and kind of scared.

"What's twerking?" He enquired, although it looked like he didn't really want to know.

"The rhythmic shaking of one's behind," I stated, a disgusted look on my face. I had glanced back over at Tony and Clint, hoping that they had stopped, but they had not. They seemed to be in their own little world. "Now can you make them stop?" I pleaded.

Natasha walked over to Clint, brought her leg up and kicked his rear.

"Ow! That was mean," he exclaimed. Tony, after seeing what Natasha did to Clint, stopped moving altogether. He stood frozen, staring at Tasha and Steve.

Stark turned to me. "When did they get here?"

"A couple minutes after I dove onto the couch," I replied. "Now, I think that you should give me some money."

"Why would I do that?" Stark crossed his arms.

"Because it would be very unfortunate if a video of your little dance party was sent to, I don't know, everyone on the planet," I responded.

"You don't have a video of it."

"JARVIS does."

"Yes, but he would never give it to you."

"JARVIS and I have an understanding, don't we J-Man?" I looked up at the ceiling.

"Yes," he responded, and I grinned. "You understand that I have access to the tools and resources you need, and I understand that you often act unintelligently and that you should not be given access to said resources." I feigned hurt.

"JARVIS! How could you do this to me? I thought that we would be together forever!" I flopped dramatically onto the couch, my shoulders shaking with fake sobs.

"Right," Clint said, dragging the word out. "Anyone up for some tacos? I think I have a coupon to Taco Bell somewhere."

**A/N: Sorry! This chapter's kinda short. And I updated this about a week late. I have a list of excuses, but you don't really need to hear them.**

**Thank you so much for reading this! You are beautifully amazing and I love you. And an extra big thank you to anyone who has gone out of their way to favourite, follow, or review!**

**I don't own the things.**

**And here's a preview for the next chapter:**

_**They had stayed up all night tracking something or someone while I had slept blissfully. That led me to thinking that since they hadn't slept, they would need a lot of coffee. And that led me to thinking that I should tamper with the coffee machine.**_


	9. Don't Mess With the Coffee Machine

9. Don't mess with the coffee machine

I've always disliked Thursdays. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I had piano lessons every Thursday when I was a kid. Regardless, it was a Thursday and I was unhappy. Thankfully, it was a long weekend, so I didn't have to go to school. The only downside to having a long weekend is I had nothing to do. All of the Avengers were working since it wasn't the weekend yet. They were all getting cranky too. They had stayed up all night tracking something or someone while I slept blissfully. That led me to thinking that since they hadn't slept, they would need a lot of coffee. And that led me to thinking that I should tamper with the coffee machine.

I don't know where I get all of these brilliant ideas.

It was a very fancy coffee machine. There were at least twenty buttons on the front of the machine, staring at me, begging to be pressed. But I decided that I should find out what the buttons meant, so that I didn't end up making the machine blow up.

"JARVIS? Could you put one of those holographic screeny things in front of me? I want to use the internet," I said. A grin appeared on my face as a browser window popped up in front of me. I typed in the name and model number of the coffee machine. One of the first results was an instruction manual, and my smile widened. Perfect.

After quickly going through each page, I figured out how to adequately mess it up. If you pressed the right buttons, you could make it so that every time someone tried to make coffee, the machine would give you a cup full of coffee beans and lukewarm water.

I pressed the correct buttons, then strode over to the nearest bar stool. I pulled out my phone and started Facebook-stalking people. Seconds later, I heard someone stumble in.

"Oh, hey Bagel," I said, looking up. Clint muttered something back incoherently. He looked exhausted. That made me think that he probably hadn't slept for at least a week. Because, really, most people can pull an all-nighter without looking completely dead. He made his way over to the coffee machine, and I almost giggled from excitement. He pressed the start button lazily. A little while later, his cup was full. He picked it up, not even bothering to look at its contents. He didn't even notice the fact that he wasn't drinking the steaming hot coffee goodness he was expecting for a few seconds. But when he did, he spat it out immediately.

"What the heck is this?" He yelled, staring into his mug.

I held back a laugh. "What the heck is what?"

"This isn't coffee! It's water and coffee beans! Who would've done-" Clint stopped, turning to glare at me. "You! You did this." I feigned hurt.

"Me? Never! You know I hate coffee."

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

"You're lucky I have another coffee machine in my room," he walked out of the room. I started cackling maniacally, eagerly awaiting my next victim.

About ten minutes later, Thor and Steve came in.

"Sarah! I have been told by Tony that there is a beverage that will energize anyone who drinks it. I believe it is called coffee. Have you heard of it?"

"Yeah, Thor. Put a mug under that machine over there, then press the start button," I replied. He asked Steve where the mugs were, and Steve grabbed one for Thor and one for himself. He put the mugs in the machine, and it began making two cups of coffee simultaneously. Well, I say coffee, but, of course, I mean that other stuff.

When the machine was finished, Thor grabbed a mug and chugged it down immediately. He made a weird face, then made an odd noise that declared his disgust.

"This beverage is revolting!" He threw the mug to the ground. Steve peered into his own mug.

"That's because it's not actually coffee," he commented. "Sarah did something to it."

"Why does everyone just assume it's my fault?" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air.

"Because it usually is your fault."

"Steve, let us go back downstairs and tell friend Stark that his beverage maker is broken," Thor said. He walked out quickly, Steve right on his tail.

About half an hour later, Bruce walked in, rubbing his face tiredly.

"Did you really break the coffee machine?" He asked.

"No! It's not broken. I _did not_ break it," I replied.

"Good." He proceeded to make himself a cup of coffee, and, just like all of the others, didn't even look down into the cup before taking a swig of the liquid. His face contorted.

"You did break it." He started breathing deeply.

"You're not going to Hulk-out are you?"

He didn't respond, and I swear I saw his skin begin to turn green. I bolted out of the room as fast as a bullet.

After I left the room, Bruce chuckled softly.

"That never gets old," he muttered.

**A/N: *laughs nervously* Right... that took me a while. Sorry. I'll try to update every week. I'm just a lot busier now because the basketball season has started. But I'll try.**

**Thank you to the lovely people who have supported this story. I love you.**

**I don't own Marvel.**


	10. Never Play Hide and Seek

10. Never play hide and seek

Guess what I was? _Bored_. That seems to be a common theme. It's probably because no one pays any attention to me. Bruce and Tony are always off being science bros, Steve's always sketching or reading or watching TV, Thor's either on Asgard or complaining about the lack of Pop-Tarts, and Clint and Natasha are always busy dramatically denying their love for each other.

Alright, so maybe that last one isn't all that accurate, but it's just so hard to not ship them.

Anyway, like I said, I was bored. And that usually means that I'll end up messing something up. But that time, it was different.

On that day, a cold December day, I decided I wanted to play hide and seek. When I suggested it, Clint replied quickly with a 'that's a great idea,' while the rest of the Avengers glanced from me to Clint, their faces twisted in a way that made it look like they thought that we had just given birth to three platypi and an ostrich.

"That's a game for children," Tasha commented.

"Well, I _am _a child, and you guys act like children," I commented, earning me a few glares.

"I'll play, but only if I'm not 'it'," Tony said. Everyone else nodded, agreeing with Stark, except for Thor.

"What is this game you speak of?" The demi-god asked.

"Everyone goes and hides while one person counts to one hundred, and then that person has to go and find them," I replied.

"That does not sound too difficult."

"It's not," I stated, grinning. "I suppose I'll have to be 'it', since no one else wants to." I placed my hands over my eyes and turned to face the wall.

"One… two… three…" I heard everyone rushing out of the room. When I reached one hundred, I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Ready or not, here I come!" I looked around the room for any sign of the superheroes. I had spent the morning studying the room so that I would be ready for this.

There were three things that had moved. One, the door leading to the stairway had been opened.. Two, one of the ceiling panels had been moved slightly out of place. _That would be Clint,_ I thought. And three, a closet door had been closed. A smirk quickly appeared on my face. I walked loudly towards the stairway and slammed the door, still inside the room. Then I crept silently towards the closet door. I opened it quickly. I was dismayed to find no one in the small room.

"It was a trick," I muttered, after glancing up at the ceiling to make sure no one had snuck out that way.

Two hours later, I hadn't found anyone except Bruce. He had stopped playing after about fifteen minutes and went to do science in his lab. I had already told JARVIS to tell them that I gave up, but no one had reappeared. I flopped down on the couch in my room, even more bored than I had been before.

Two _days_ later, people finally started to reappear. Steve came into the kitchen early in the morning, muttering something about running out of food in his hiding place. Thor came crashing in through the window, confused as to why I hadn't found him. He had been in Norway.

It took two weeks for everyone to finally come back. Tony appeared on the couch one. Apparently, he had been in Bora Bora working on his tan. Pepper ignored him for the rest of the day. Everyone else thought she was mad because he left the day before an important meeting, but I think that she was mad because he hadn't taken her with him. Clint and Natasha dropped out of the ceiling while I was watching a movie. They explained that they kept enough food hidden up there to last them for two months, but they decided to leave their little hideaway, realizing that they had missed some very important TV episodes. They then stole the remote from me and shooed me away.

I banned hide and seek after that.

**A/N: Wow! I actually updated in less than a week! That's amazing.**

**GUESS WHAT? I HAVE 37 REVIEWS! This is fantastic. Thank you to anyone who reviewed, favourited, followed or is even reading my little fanfic. Your support means a lot.**

**I do not own Marvel.**


	11. Don't Let Steve See The List

11. Don't Let Steve See The List

Remember that list I mentioned before? The list of things to make sure Steve never finds out about? Well guess what Steve found out about. The list.

I kept the list close to me at all times. It could usually be found in my shoe or tucked away in my hair somehow. The one time it wasn't in either of those places, I left it out on the kitchen counter for everyone to see. And by everyone, I really just mean Steve. Everyone else had already seen at least part of it. In fact, they gave me a bunch of ideas for the list. Not that they came up to me and said, "Sarah, you should add this to the list." No, they gave me ideas by doing weird, awkward, and inappropriate things.

It was a Tuesday evening. I was on Christmas break, leaving me with plenty of time to do anything I wanted to do. I was in the kitchen making some macaroni and cheese. After dumping my food into a bowl, I slid into a bar stool at the counter and pulled the small sheet of paper out of my ponytail. My eyes scanned the paper, taking in its contents for the umpteenth time.

_Things to Make Sure Steve Never Finds Out About_

_1. Avengers fanfiction_

_2. The Avengers tag on tumblr_

_3. Avengers slash fanart_

_4. Keeping Up With The Kardashians_

_5. Justin Bieber_

_6. Specifically, Justin Bieber's song 'Baby'_

_7. Hotter Than My Daughter_

_8. Darth Vader is Luke's dad (at least until he sees the movie)_

_9. The ending to 'The Titanic'_

_10. The ending to 'The Fault in Our Stars'_

_11. The Furby_

_12. That time when Tony used Steve's toothbrush_

_13. That time when Tony got drunk (hairdryer incident)_

_14. That other time when Tony got drunk (pikachu + bubblegum incident)_

_15. Miley Cyrus_

_16. That time Clint & Tasha let me get kidnapped_

_17. That time I went on that date_

_18. That time I broke the dishwasher_

_19. That time I broke the garbage disposal_

_20. Actually… anytime I broke anything_

_21. That time Nat borrowed Steve's shield_

_22. The time I used Steve's shield as a sled_

_23. Honey Boo Boo_

_24. Anaconda_

_25. Wrecking Ball (video)_

_26. The time Thor broke Steve's bed_

_27. The time Tony got drunk and found a bunny_

_28. The one fanfic Coulson wrote_

_39. The time I tried to hook Sharon Carter up with Steve_

_30. The time I let a fangirl into Steve's room_

_31. Twerking_

_32. The time I spat in Steve's drink_

"Sarah! We're having a pop culture night for Steve again tonight," Tony called, entering the room. "Got any ideas of what we should do?" I glanced down at my paper, then back up at Tony.

"We could have a Star Wars marathon. Or we could watch the Titanic. But I think we should watch Star Wars before Steve finds out about Luke and Vader's relationship," I said, stuffing my face with macaroni after I finished talking.

"Relationship? Funny, I don't remember anything like that in the movies," he replied.

"I was not referring to a romantic or sexual relationship. I was talking about the paternal plot twist."

"Ah, yes. Capsicle may be the only adult left in North America to not know about that," he paused, grabbing strawberry yogurt from the fridge. "Star Wars it is." He exited the room.

Minutes later, he came running back in.

"Clear the area! We have a situation!" He shouted.

"What? Tony, have you been day drinking again?"

"No! Well, maybe just a bit. Regardless, Katniss and the other master assassin are having an argument, and they're headed this way," he responded

"Oh. Well. You're right, we should leave. I just have to put my dishes in the-" I was interrupted by yelling coming from the stairway.

"No time," Tony said, grabbing the bowl and glass from my hands and practically throwing them on the counter. His hand wrapped around my arm and he yanked me out of the kitchen just as the two SHIELD agents entered the room.

* * *

><p>Steve walked into the lounge that Stark and I were hiding in, the one that was right next to the room that held the arguing spies.<p>

"Don't go in there!" I cried, catching Steve about to enter the war zone. His hand hovered just above the doorknob, and he turned his head so he could look at me.

"Why?"

"Clint and Tasha are having an argument," I replied. He turned back to the door and opened it. "Fine! Enter at your own risk!" I called after him.

After the door opened, I could hear the argument clearly.

"Yes, but that didn't mean that you could dye it brown!" I heard Clint yell.

"I do what I want!" Natasha screamed back. I then heard Steve clear his throat.

"What exactly is the problem here?"

"Agent Romanoff dyed my blanket brown," Clint growled. _He used 'Agent Romanoff' instead of 'Nat' or 'Tasha' or even 'Natasha'. It must be serious._

"Yes, I did, because Agent Barton gave it to me."

"To borrow, not to keep!"

"Why don't you just get another blanket?" Steve asked. I zoned out at that point knowing that the super soldier would be able to get them to calm down.

A while later, Steve came into the room holding a piece of paper.

"What's this?" He asked, turning the paper around so I could see what it was. I squinted, but I still couldn't make out what was on the sheet.

"It looks like my writing. Where did you-" I stopped mid sentence, the terrible realization dawning on me. "Crap. Not good." I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, my face turning red. "You didn't happen to not read that, did you?"

"What's slash fanart? And when did you use my shield as a sled?" He enquired, ignoring my question.

"Please tell me you didn't read the one about Darth Vader," I said, instead of answering his question.

"Yeah. I also read number thirty, 'the time I let a fangirl into Steve's room.' Oh, and number thirty two, 'the time I spat in Steve's drink.'"

"Okay, well, that last one was an accident. Sort of." I sucked in a breath in a sharp gasp. "Tony's going to kill me."

"Why? Because of number twelve?"

"No, because of the Darth Vader spoiler!" I exclaimed.

"Hmm. Well, would you care to explain the rest of these? I'm particularly interested in the time time Natasha and Clint let you get kidnapped."

I giggled nervously. "Right."

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><p><strong>AN: GUESS WHAT? I UPDATED. AND THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER YET. Also, we're at 39 reviews. ALMOST 40! Thanks so much!**

**Please review because it makes me happy.**

**I do not own the things.**


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